It is almost two months since my uncle's passing. As time passed by, the pain impaled into my heart is slowly declining. Nevertheless, my heart is still hurt for losing someone close to me. However, my pain can never be compared to the pain that my aunt will go through for the rest of her life.
My aunt used to be a sanguine person who is always optimistic toward life. I guess things changed since my uncle passed away. Recalling the day of my uncle's funeral, I engross myself to my aunt's sorrow expression. She aged dramatically since I saw her the week earlier. Tears on the edges of her eyelids were dangling on her watery eyes refusing to disembark themselves on the surface of her dry and pale face.
Looking at her face made me flashback to the wedding day that they had a long time ago. Although I wasn't able to attend their wedding, I imagined the joys they had that day and the vows they exchanged to the other.
I can imagine that they both promised the other that they will care and love the other till death do they part. They will be together whether they are poor or sick, or whatever until death do they part. Yes, they did that. I admire them for fulfilling their commitment. At the same time, I also detest them for making such commitment.
It always puzzle me why people would want to make a commitment such as this when they know someone they love will someday leave them forever for the rest of their lives. It is already very hard to find someone you love and be with that person as much as possible nowadays, but is even more difficult for me to make a commitment to someone that I know will leave me someday. Vice versa, I don't want someone I love to suffer similar pain that my aunt is having now when my time is up.
I admit that I am egocentric when I think of love, but I think that has to do with my insecurities of it. Maybe I am afraid and scare of the consequences or the corollary on the reality of afterlife. Either way, the fear of losing made me impossible to make commitment because I am always conformity to the commitment I concordance to. I guess I am the type of person that must fulfill it once a promise was made, since I hate people who recant their words. I think it is because of this attitude that I hate making commitment to anything that I can't control in my hand. Situations like death made me wavering my decisions and never take any types of relationship serious. Maybe I do take them serious, but since my fear of losing that particular person in the future that I always give them cold shoulder before emotions get carry away. I know I lost many worthy friends and significant others because of this type of attitude, but I think this is a better situation for me than making commitment to somethings that I can't control.
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